Dear E,
I am going to plunge in and start these letters to you, in media res, without a clear plan of where it will go. As I write, your mother, my daughter, is almost 27 weeks pregnant with you, and a president I hope you will one day read about as a bizarre chapter in your history textbooks has been in his second term of office for only 3 weeks-- during that short time, he has already created havoc for many. Your mom and I disagree strenuously about politics, and it's surreal not to be able to talk to her about Elon Musk giving two Nazi salutes at the inauguration. She has told me I am not allowed to talk about politics with you, or religion, and I have promised to follow her rule-- I do not want to be cut off from her, or from you. I love her to the depths of my soul. I love you, who are part of the future I will never see.
She does not understand what an integral part of my being is connected to politics... I think it is not possible to know who I am without knowing how I feel about what's happening in the world and what I am doing about it. So you will never know who your grandmother was, as your ancestor, if I don't find a way to leave you a record.
Several years ago, I had a political blog. I deleted it during a very difficult family situation. I didn't actually like even the small bit of local "fame" it brought me. The people who liked it were almost scarier than the ones who sent death threats, because they thought they knew me better than they did. Some of them developed parasocial relationships. It was like talking to someone looking at a mirage beside me, a projection of their own. They got angry when I said something not matching their projection. I don't really know how people tolerate fame. So this will be anonymous.
What I had wanted to do with the blog was draw attention to causes I cared about, like universal healthcare. But instead of focusing on the issues, readers turned their gazes on me. Maybe this anonymous blog will work better.
Perhaps nothing I am going to say here will be new... and I am not that well-read, or at least sort of randomly and quirkily read, so I may regurgitate ideas of folks who said it better before me. Nevertheless, I have benefitted greatly in life from the writings of others, and who knows... maybe my particular framing will resonate with you or someone else. Maybe it will give you a different insight, or maybe it will help you articulate why you disagree with me. I don't want all these thoughts and experiences to be completely lost. I feel a responsibility to pass them on, just in case. Some of them were hard earned.
I have always loved the fifth definition of politics in Webster's dictionary, so much that I've memorized it: "the total complex of relations between people living in society." That is what I mean when I write to you about politics. I can't imagine how anyone can avoid being fascinated with that, but apparently it does happen!
As I write, I am not entirely sure how I will make sure you find it. I think I will tell a few friends, especially younger friends, who can find you, and maybe I will leave you a sealed envelope in my death files, to open when you are 21. I hope these letters find their way to you, if I am not still around to tell you about them.
I think that's enough for today. I read about a writer who called herself "the long-winded lady", and I thought about stealing that moniker! I guess you'll find out. There are plenty of words, and I see no reason not to use however many are needed. But for now I will sign off as your loving
Mimi
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